Lesson:  Sharing a common direction, and using the support of community, both decrease the strain on the individuals.

Grief Tip:  There’s a time early on, after the loss of a loved one, when everything seems just way too hard.  This is a great time to step in to assist the family.  Children sometimes digress developmentally when they’re grieving and this can add significantly over stress a family.  Step in!  Offer specific ways you can help; don’t just say “Call me if you need anything.”  Be respectful of a no thank you, but be sure to offer again.

 If one falls out of formation, it feels the drag & resistance of trying to fly alone; it quickly gets back & takes advantage of the power of those in front.

Lesson:  There’s wisdom in not trying to go it alone.

Grief Tip:  Again, make your offers of assistance more than once.  It’s normal for people to think they don’t need the help; or to feel just too tired to even let you know how you can help.  You might try: “Iwant to come by every Tuesday this month to get your grocery list and go shopping for you.  Don’t feel like you’ll need to sit and visit with me.  I’ll get the list, get the groceries and then scoot on home unless you invite me in on a given day.  I understand that it’s hard to chat at times and I won’t expect it.” 

  

When the lead goose gets tired it rotates back into the formation and another goose flies at the point position.

Lesson:  It pays to take turns doing the hard tasks.

Grief Tip:  Incorporate others to help you.  You don’t need to lay down your life for your friends who are grieving.  If you over do, you’ll be of no help to anyone, including yourself.  Take breaks when you need to.  If you’re becoming over burdened, your attempts at lightening the family’s load may backfire; you may end up heaping guilt on them when you go down.

  

The geese in formation honk from behind and encourage those up front to keep up their speed.

Lesson:  Make sure your honking from behind is encouraging and beneficial.

Grief Tip:  Not someone giving advice, but rather a good listener is what people who are grieving need most.  This goes for kids, too.  Teens are known to hold much inside on a good day; when grieving they can be downright challenging to reach.  This being said, they still need you.  They need you to be present, to listen.  Give them a call.  Stop to see them.  Go to their sporting events and creative activities.  Make yourself visible . . . and don’t be offended if they don’t verbally open to you.  Just your steadfast presence will be supportive.

When a goose gets sick or wounded, two geese drop from formation and follow their fellow member down to help and provide protection.  They generally stay until he or she is either able to fly again or dies.  They then launch out together, joining another formation or catching up with their own flock.

Lesson:  Stand by as they do the work of healing.

Grief Tip:  Being readily available, making specific offers, and being a visible presence is different than being in the way.  Standing by a friend’s side is not taking over.  Although burdened, grieving parents still parent – they need you, at the same time they need their own autonomy as a family.  You’ll find ways you can help by really listening and you’ll be able to ‘hear’ when it’s time to step back, too.

While there’s really very little that actually needs to be done; it’s especially important for children to have an ‘action’ to put their distressed hearts into.

A seasoned caregiver, and new volunteer friend of mine, Kathy Best, recently shared how she once used a quite simple action to comfort a friend who lay close to death. (It seems this sweet little story might be one you could share with the children you’ve been thinking of as you’ve searched this site.)

It was back in the day when rhyming and rapping were in.  Kathy and her grandson enjoyed putting funny little verses together all summer long . . . and Kathy enjoyed sharing them with her friend.  That was back earlier in her friend’s dying, back when she was able to talk and visit.

This day, however, this last day of her friend’s earthly life, Kathy sat quietly.  That is until a thought just popped into her head from nowhere!  She ‘went with it’ and was instantly glad she did. 

“ . . . I pulled in tight, got down real close to her ear, hugged her around the shoulders, and whispered – I’m putting a prayer . . . in your hair . . . and I’m leaving it there.”

Perfect! 

The response she received from her friend, although not verbal, assured Kathy that she’d heard and understood; and in her heart, Kathy knew she’d been comforted by it.  They both had.