Societal Shifts – Help for Children – Part I

A society can shift with rapid, jolting change, but in general we tend to evolve more gradually over time. Ebbing and flowing with stretches of forward movement sandwiched in; what was new, is now old, and so on.

• It’s unnecessary, and even unwise, for a society to seek to propel itself forward through the abandonment of old truths. If wise and sound, then solid benefit is derived from familiar custom; ‘the tried and the true’. A sound and solid base, created by the familiar, best supports measured and balanced forward progress.
• When it comes to care for the dying, it appears we’re currently riding the crest on a new wave of change; too much was being lost, too soon. We’re shifting. We’re coming back to some older, wiser ways while at the same time incorporating new and improved symptom management techniques. A higher quality end of life is within our reach. Interestingly, we’re moving forward by taking a significant step backwards.

Delegating end of life care almost exclusively to institutions is showing a decline. A quick look back to what took us there.

• We were seeking to protect ourselves from the often heart wrenching sadness of seeing beloved family members slip from our presence ‘inch by inch’. It’s understandable. The distancing was problematic, however; before long we’d not only been successful in separating ourselves out from some of the pain, but we’d ended up isolating ourselves, and our dying loved ones, as well. Under that arrangement, we were still grieving the impending loss, but were doing it alone; separate from each other’s supportive presence.
• Also about that same time in our history, death was taking on a new persona; it was beginning to be, oh so subtly, sensed as a mistake. Intellectually we never lost sight of the fact that death is part of a full life journey; but subtly, subconsciously, we had our time of ‘I wonder. . .”
• Have you had the experience yourself, or observed it in others, when stating that a mutual acquaintance had died, the response was, “What happened?” An expression of surprise came first, not an expression of sympathy. Interestingly enough, this happens whether the death is anticipated or not.
• In a society where so much is possible in health care, we run the risk of believing, albeit on very subtle levels, that all things are possible. We want it to be that way. We want to avoid the loss of our beloveds at all costs; we believe/dare to hope that all illnesses and all injuries are ‘fixable’. I think it’s from this point that we veered off into ‘if someone died, then something must have gone wrong’.
• We moved into blaming. Healthcare providers weren’t diligent enough, or intelligent enough, or they didn’t care enough. We as family didn’t help enough, pray enough, listen enough, seek help soon enough, demand enough, pay enough, and so on. Again, it was insidious; we didn’t see a new understanding of life and death immerging, but it was and with it came more pain.